7 QUESTIONS ABOUT MASTURBATION - Everything you wanted to know about self-pleasure but were afraid to ask
(NOTE: We’ll be off the air for the next two weeks celebrating our wedding anniversary!
It’s lucky #12, bunnies! So you know we have to make it special.
Yup, we take our romance quite seriously. We will be back as of Tuesday, April 26th where we will be taking on Shitty Love Songs. )
Masturbation! Is it healthy? Is it harmful?
IN THIS EPISODE, we talk about touching ourselves.
We answer 7 questions & address the changing attitudes toward this hard, slippery subject
We share why it’s good to engage in self-pleasure, and ways it might be bad so you need to cut it out.
& we give both vagina owners & penis owners some great hands-on techniques for making that alone time extra special!
Masturbation is a touchy subject (ahem), with opinions ranging from the religious, to the scientific, the psychological to the spiritual, and everything in between.
Some feel that it is cheating, some claim it a sin, and some just think it is unhealthy for our reproductive systems. Are they right?
Or is it instead a healthy way to release some pressure, relieve tension, and stimulate a rush of happy chemicals all while enjoying some intimate time with our own bodies?
Cum with us as we answer 7 questions about masturbation!
1. Is it Healthy for men to masturbate? What about women? In short, yes. Masturbation has many many benefits for both men and women with the release of endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin that result in: * better quality of sleep * stress relief * mood booster * reduces sensation of pain * can improve quality of sex * gain a better understanding of what works for you * mutual masturbation with a partner is a great way to be intimate without risk of pregnancy, STIs, etc. Or it could even be a fun alternative to mix things up and add more variety to your love life.
In regards to women flicking the bean, there are even more reasons for us to pleasure ourselves on the reg! It supports vaginal health due to increased blood flow, increases our base level of arousal, helps to relieve cramping, causes us be more sensitive to all the yummy sensations, and it can even mollify some of the more painful side effects of being pregnant, such as lower back pain or mild contractions.
2. Can it be harmful? Just like anything, if it is done to excess, of course it can be harmful to our well being. For example:
* If you are a man and have too strong of a grip while masturbating, it can decrease sensation sensitivity, especially with a partner. So it is recommended to adjust your grip when you spend some time alone, to allow your member to feel more sensations. * You could also cause your penis to swell if you whack it too often, so if that starts happening you might want to give it a bit of a break. * If you use toys and don’t clean them properly you could earn yourself a lovely bacterial infection, and same goes with hands! So if you have a vulva, make sure that anything you plan to stick or allow in to your vagina has recently been sanitized, with a high quality toy cleaner, or a plain old thorough washing with soap. * Masturbation addiction is real and can create a lasting harm. Chasing that dopamine and endorphin high has led to people losing their jobs, negatively affecting their relationships (both intimate & platonic), and dropping the ball on life’s assorted responsibilities. If you have found yourself canceling plans to stay home and have a wank, if you find yourself unable to refrain from rubbing one out in a public or generally frowned upon environment, if you aren’t able to enjoy sexual intimacy with your partner because you’re comparing it to your solo flights, you may be addicted to masturbating. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Ashera DeRosa says ”If you’re finding it hard to control where and when you masturbate or are feeling alarmed about your fantasies or the kind of porn you are seeking out, it would be helpful to unpack this with a sex-positive therapist” There are resources for help, and plenty of healthy alternatives for relieving some pent up frustration if you are concerned things are getting out of balance.
3. If I’m in a relationship, is it cheating on my partner? Of course it depends on your relationship agreements, some consider it cheating for their partners to experience sexual pleasure with anyone other than themselves. However, we are of the mind that that is generally shortsighted, selfish, and comes from a place of deep insecurity. We are all born with our own sex life, dormant in our genes and ready to bloom in adolescence. We would’ve had our own sexual identity regardless of the whether we met our current partner. I’m gonna say it as bluntly as I can: They Don’t Own You. If you have an agreement to exclusively enjoy partnered sex with them it’s fine, but your body is still your own. You decide whether restricting your self-pleasure is part of your relationship agreement, but I can’t think of any logical reason why it would be considered cheating. However, there are times when you might already have an agreement in place with your partner, especially if you are attempting to impregnate your female wife. If you are both wanting to make a baby and you spend your precious semen into a hankie instead of her fertile womb, she very well could have a valid reason to be upset. Or if you made plans to enjoy some intimate time together but you forgot and wanked it just a few minutes earlier, that will definitely cause some disappointment. As always, it is crucial to maintain open & consistent communication with your lover in order to avoid (as much as possible) roadblocks and upsets such as these.
4. How do I talk to my partner about it? * Carefully. There’s a lot of reasons you may hesitate, there’s all kind of risks: fear of judgement or conflict, lack of a sex-positive understanding, indoctrinated shame, religious reasons, embarrassment, believing myths about self-pleasure… it can be intimidating. Show empathy & respect. * Casually. It’s such a charged topic, better not to be too dramatic about it. There’s a kind of conversation guide here: https://psychcentral.com/lib/should-i-tell-my-partner-i-masturbate#how-to-bring-it-up * Bravely. There are good reasons to chat w your partner about self-pleasure. It can help strengthen your relationship. It can help you learn more about what you really like, improving your sex life. Sharing that intimately can be a really sexy bonding experience. It can help remove the feeling of “obligation” your partner may have if they think they’re responsible for all your orgasms. This eases stress & opens the door to more lighthearted fun sex. Also, consider telling them your self-pleasure habits don’t reflect a dissatisfaction with your partner’s sex life, both things are valid & separate. * Optionally. You don’t have to. And you don’t have to divulge all your self-pleasure secrets. It’s your own private sex life, you decide who to let in & how far.
5. When is it not a good idea? * This should be pretty simple, but any place or time where you could be causing harm to yourself or others. * Masturbation is a private act and the only time others should see you do it is if you both (or all) consent to it. * If your responsibilities, social life, or general life balance starts to suffer, you may need to ease back, and/or seek professional help. There is no shame for needing help, we all need a helping hand sometimes.
6. What does “God” say about it? * As you probably know, most of the worlds religions either outright prohibit male masturbation, or strongly discourage. However, the roots of those prohibitions are all about “wasting” semen because the primary directive is to procreate (farms take a lot of hands to work and the infant mortality rate used to be brutally high). So unless you aren’t needing to save that seed to knock up a human woman this week, we think you’re probably ok to give it a tug. * As for human women, most religions have next to nothing to say for or against masturbation. It’s almost like they don’t think we’re sexual beings who enjoy pleasure or something. However, there are some more progressive sects across the board that recognize the importance of the clitoris for sexual pleasure, so they think it’s just fine to flick the bean, as long as it’s with the peen. Penis. Penile penetration during heteronormative coitus. * If you subscribe to a religious view that prohibits self-pleasure, then you will have to decide what you do, how you do it, and if you do it at all. Here are How To Love Forever headquarters we feel that there is no shame or sin with helping our bodies feel the best they can, with whatever tools or techniques are at our fingertips. We adhere to the principle of Love is Love, and that includes Self Love. But you’re going to have to make that choice for yourself.
7. How do I do it?
For Vagina People: * Find time and a private place where you are unlikely to be bothered for a little while. If you can, lock the door! * You might want to light some candles, tidy up, and otherwise make the space more sensual, especially if you’re kind of new to this. * Wash your hands as well as whatever toys you plan to use. * Recommended accoutrements: vibrators, lube, nipple clamps, stimulating topicals, anal plugs, and many more. If you want to try out new toys, you can always see whats available at your local “adult novelty store” (sex shop), or maybe it’s time to plan a fun sex toy party with a group of girlfriends. Those can be a great way to ease into being more adventurous, and you don’t have to make your purchases in front of everyone, just the rep. * If you haven’t already, grab a mirror and take a look at yourself down there. There are guides a-plenty both online and in bookstores if you need some help figuring it all out. And you might feel weird about it, but you really do need to know what you’re working with. * Then start experimenting! Grab some lube, and start touching yourself. Caress your clit, your labia, finger your opening, massage your breasts, pinch your nipples, try out a vibrator, maybe a dildo. Are you standing up and bending over the counter? Are you laying down on your bed? Are you maybe squatting to find that elusive G-spot? Are you realizing you could use several more hands working in concert? (fun fact, this is when I start to feel bad for straight men. this shit takes work!) * In the meantime, how are you stimulating your brain? Do you have porn on? Are you reading smutty erotica? Looking at hot photos? Or maybe just using your potent imagination? * Whether or not you climax is not necessarily the point, especially when you’re first getting started. It’s about getting in touch with your body, enjoying some alone time, and finding out what you enjoy. And hopefully you’ll have a great time relieving stress and finding a sensual release! * Always make sure to pee after any kind of sex, even solo sex. It helps avoid painful bacterial infections later on. * If you want to find more info, here are a few sites that have some great pointers, you’ll find them in the description:
FOR PENIS-PEOPLE: Here’s a fun list of ways to get it on with yourself: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19530843/masturbation-secrets/ * Try varying your masturbating position * Vary up your grip & speed * Switch hands * Try doing it after your exercise * Perineum play, it’s a real thing. * Experiment w anal stimulation * Use a vibrator on your dinger * Use toys, experiment with devices like fleshlight etc. * Bring your balls into the mix * Use a cock ring or testes cuff * Practice edging * Masturbate with a partner * It is not recommended to masturbate prone, or face down. It puts a lot of strain & pressure on the base of the penis, and could also make it difficult to enjoy penetration with a partner.