IN THIS EPISODE, we share 10 hot tips to enjoy more sex.
We offer suggestions for setting the stage, becoming more conducive to sexuality, and working to earn it.
(& We share with you our 3 favorite C-words)
We love sex! Sex is good. And good sex is even better. And since so many people in the world feel similarly, sex is used as the motivating factor for much of what happens in our society. It’s used to sell just about everything, from crap we can buy to our personal self esteem. It’s also incredibly important for the vast majority of relationships to stay healthy and for the people involved to feel a deep sense of connection with each other.
One survey https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/sexual-dry-spells/ found that people in relationships who are sexually inactive (without identifying themselves as asexual) were more prone to feelings of sadness & depression and self-images based on unattractiveness.
familiarity can be injurious to the sex drive, we get used to each other. It becomes more of a challenge over time to inhabit that original state of constant attraction to your partner and that desire for sexual connection. So you gotta take matters into your own hands. Grab the bull by the horns. Be deliberate, find ways to generate that state of desire between you two (or three or whatever)
To help make it easier for sexy motivation, we did a bit of internet browsing that we also compile with some methods that have worked well for us, and turned them in to a handy dandy guide for youse guys. Without further ado, here are Heather & Marco’s Top 10 Tips for Having More (and better) sex!
1. • get revved up! • erotica, porn, dirty talk, etc. • your sex drive is dependent on stimulation and conditioning, so help it be strong • invite eros into your life and be mindful/focus on making your love life grow 2. • talk about it! • Lack of communication is often what leads to sex droughts in a relationship • your wills & wont’s • your secret fantasies • how you self-love • what is your right level • work through the puritan programming & fear of judgement around it • men & women have very different sexual expectations, learn to strike a balance 3. • work out regularly (get fit) • developing a relationship with your own body helps develop one with your partner’s body • the endorphins we get from a good workout help make us happy, which not only turns us on but also makes us more attractive. • by staying healthy and fit, we stay physically attractive to our partners, and to ourselves. You know, confidence! 4. • masturbate! • self pleasure is key for knowing what feels good to us • it helps keep all those yummy chemicals rushing through our bodies, so we’re more inclined to be turned on by our partners. • relieves frustration & tension, making us less grouchy to those around us. • but be open & non-judgmental. this is intimate/delicate territory 5. • schedule it • may not sound sexy, but life gets in the way. • so tell your lover, “tonight, we are going to have a snack, take showers, and then win the date”. BOOM. • set a weekly date! but balance the dryness of scheduling it with flirtation & playfulness, don’t turn it into another chore 6. • set a sexy scene • hack your environment to make it conducive to amorous activity • What does that mean? Look around you. Is it super messy? Does it smell bad? Is the lighting harsh? • tidy up, light some candles your lover enjoys, shut off or throw a scarf over those ugly ass lights. • grab the lube, the condoms, the toys, whatever you enjoy including in sexy time to have ready and easily at hand, cuz having to leave the room to hunt things down invariably puts a damper on the mood! 7. • get out and have a new/exciting experience • dopamine rush can help reset your libido • dopamine & other brain chemicals are directly linked to physical attraction • your level of “extremeness” will vary, but do something that makes your heart pound • bonding over exciting new activity helps spark arousal 8. • take a sex class and dedicate the weekend to trying out your new skills • so many kinds of classes! • how to perform oral better, for men and women. • bondage, like Shibari, if that excites you. • even if it turns out not to be a kink, or even if you don’t learn a whole lot from it, it’s about making a conscious effort
9. • masturbate in front of each other (eek!) • for the truly adventurous • shows your partner what turns you on • a level of trust and vulnerability to share such a personal intimate moment with each other • allows your partner to see what you like & how you like it • but be open & non-judgmental. this is intimate/delicate territory 10. • clean yourself up. • Shower! • remove unwelcome hair from your cracks & crevices, or anywhere that the extra friction may not be appreciated. • Even if you aren’t intending to leave the house, you can still dress up and take extra care with your grooming. • It shows your lover that they matter and that you want them to find you attractive.
it comes down to the 3 C’s • chemicals • confidence • consciousness
truly, we need to be conscious of how much more sexual activity we want to enjoy, so we talk about it, & we set the space for it. And we want to be our best sexual self, so we get fit for it, we do things that generate the chemistry of it. and we become aware that to be confident is to be attractive, so we work to deserve that and to facilitate the same confidence in our partners.